Do I hate Mario Kart Wii?

To be fair, I've only played through one single-player Grand Prix since I bought it, but it's such a frustrating experience. I race the best I can, I make it to first, and then it's just a never-ending barrage of blue shells, red shells, POW blocks, lightning bolts, etc. Why do they even bother to warn you when a blue shell is coming? If you could shake it off, like a homing missle in a Star Fox game, maybe I would understand, but instead it's just a way to inject some additional dread into your random catastrophe.

One of the big changes to the Wii edition of Mario Kart is you can have 12 players in a race now. This sucks, because the farther back someone is, the more likely they are to find a blue shell -- and if you don't know, the blue shell is a magical power-up that only attacks whoever is in first place -- so if you're a good driver, you'll probably get hit with several blue shells over the course of 3-lap race. What's more annoying is that the blue shell doesn't even help the player who gets it, because they're too far back anyway, so really it's just a way for the guy in 8th to give a middle finger to the guy in first. It's the most petulant of power-ups: If I can't win, you can't either.

[image via Penny Arcade]

Tax Rebate + Buy 2 Get 1 Free = Perfect Storm

Put some tax rebate money in my hands and give me a Buy 2 Get 1 Free Sale and I go a little crazy. This weekend I bought the following items from Gamestop. I spent almost exactly $200. And yes, I did separate the items into multiple transactions to get the best values on my "1 free"s (e.g. getting three of the most expensive games separately to ensure one of them would be taken off).

Game Boy or Game Boy Color:

Donkey Kong
Game & Watch Gallery 2
An actual Game Boy Color - Purple
Kirby's Dream Land 2
Kirby's Pinball Land
Kirby Tilt 'n Tumble
Mario Golf
Motocross Maniacs
Pokemon Pinball
Revenge of the Gator
Super Mario Land
Super Mario Land 2: 6 Golden Coins
Super Mario Land 3: Wario Land
Wario Land 2
Wario Land 3

Game Boy Advance:

Dr. Mario / Puzzle League
Kirby & the Amazing Mirror
Metroid Fusion
Metroid Zero Mission
Wario Land 4
Wario Ware Mega Microgames

GameCube:

Chibi Robo
Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker
Pikmin
Star Fox Adventures
Super Mario Sunshine
Wave Race Blue Storm

PS2:

Ico

Other:

Edge 10% Discount Card w/1 year subscription to Game Informer

Iron Man: Flight Test (PC) - Review

That's right, GameStache!! is the type of game blog that bothers to review weird little flash games from Marvel Kids. Is this going to be a problem for anyone?

Iron Man: Flight Test is a 2D side-scrolling shooter flash game that's free from Marvel. The graphics are about as pleasant as most DS games, and Iron Man himself looks pretty nice. I say "side-scrolling" but except for the endless rock outcroppings in the background, there's not a great sense of movement (besides the fact that enemies are coming towards you). The backgrounds don't vary much, giving the sense of a Hanna-Barbara cartoon where the same objects repeat ad infinitum.

Little robot doohickeys fly at you, and you shoot them down with your repulsor blasts. You can aim in every direction via the mouse, though Iron Man looks a little wonky when he rotates his arm around to shoot behind him (yup, enemies attack from the rear as well) without even turning his head. Sophisticated armor of tomorrow or not, that little move would twist his shoulder out of its socket.

The game claims to have 10 levels, but there's no change from one level to another, except an increase in bad guys. There's no level bosses or anything, and in fact there's not even a pause, just a little pop-up that says "Level 6" or whatever. The bad guys mostly fly around and try to collide with you, though as you progress through the game some will shoot lasers. You have a fairly generous life bar, and there's so many life power-ups, you'll never really feel like you're in any danger.

That is, until the end. After taking on wave after wave of brainless slow-moving droids, you'll be wholly unprepared for the giant robot that is the final (and only) boss. Three times your size, a massive life bar, and with only one weak spot, you'll very likely be caught so off-guard you'll just die. If only the whole game had been this challenging, it might be a more engrossing experience.

Still, for a free flash game, especially one coinciding with a movie release, it's fairly well-done and occasionally entertaining. Why bother reading my review when you could simply play it yourself?

Grade: C+

Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe

I don't normally post news here since anyone reading my silly little blog is likely up on the latest news already, but I definitely felt the need to mention this.

Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe

Not an entirely new idea in a world with Marvel vs. Capcom aplenty, but it's notable in that it'll be the first Mortal Kombat game to get my interest in the last the 15 years.

I heard about it at Joystiq, if you want to know more.

PS3 Update: 4% … 4% … 4% ...

I'm not going to go around ragging on the PS3 for its game library or its price tag, because that's unnecessary. Nobody forced me to buy one, after all. I bought one because I wanted to:

A) Have a Blu-Ray player.
B) Get a 60GB PS3 that was backwards compatible with PS2 games before they became even more hard to find than they already were.

The only PS3 game I've played (except for some demos) to date is Heavenly Sword, and I really enjoyed it. This week I rented my second PS3 game, Uncharted: Drake's Fortune. I was super-excited to play it, since I like both Tomb Raider and Gears of War, and I've heard lots of good things.

Last night at around 7:45 PM I decided to boot it up. I turn on my PS3 and it tells me there is a mandatory system update, so I say "okey dokey" and go to the system update feature. After about 20 seconds of staring at "0% Downloaded" the buzzkill feeling started to set in.

Between downloading this stupid update and installing it I didn't start my game until 8:20 PM, at which point I was thoroughly less excited to play Uncharted. Interminably slow updates are yet another reason why I always choose my 360 for any games that come out on both platforms (also: achievements!).

Joystiq - Podcast Profiles

Joystiq is a fairly well-known gaming blog --the "motherblog" if you will of a whole bunch of other blogs like Xbox 360 Fanboy and Nintendo Wii Fanboy-- and with good reason, since it's one of the funniest and most frequently updated around. Not as many people may be familiar with the Joystiq Podcast however, and that's a shame, as it's truly excellent.

It has three regular hosts: Chris Grant, the boss, Ludwig Kietzmann, an unrepentant pun-maker and token South African, and Justin McElroy, the "silly one." Every episode follows an unbending structure, starting with what they've all been playing for the last week, then the news, then the Big Three (the three most popular Joystiq posts for the week), the Brush With Fame, and e-mails. It used to be the Brush With Fame was Justin randomly mentioning a commenter's name, but recently it evolved into an actual trivia contest with honest-to-goodness prizes.

A typical moment on the show started with a strange crackling sound. "Are you eating Chiclets?" Chris asked. Justin said "No!" defensively, then in a matter-of-fact tone "I'm opening a yo-yo." Because that's the kind of guy Justin is, he's not going to let producing a podcast stop him from doing other things like playing with a yo-yo, or eating Pretzel Flipz, or mysteriously leaving for 10 minutes without telling anyone where he went or why. Justin's also the progenitor of virtually all of Joystiq's memes, some of which involve firing him, wearing his skin as a suit, or having something carry something in something else -- alliteratively (i.e. a bear with a bird in his backpack).

That's not to discount the contributions of Chris or Ludwig. At any moment Chris may bust out his old prospector voice or complain about his feet falling asleep on the toilet while he's playing PSP. Ludwig mines much comedy from talking about life in a third world country where he often rides a lion to the marketplace to watch the puppet theater, and is as fanatically devoted to puns as any man is devoted to any thing on this Earth.

Check out the Joystiq Podcast homepage!